Another year older – and hopefully wiser
Twenty eight today!
Another year older (and hopefully a little wiser.) It’s been a huge year with many highs and lows. I’ve lost my way and found a new path many times over. Over the past year I feel like I know myself better and appreciate myself so much more. I know who I am – I am happy with who I am – and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
I am a very emotional person and I had always thought of this as a weakness – but it’s not. It’s a strength and one that I am so grateful to be blessed with. Yes I am a cryer – yes I am sensitive – but I wouldn’t and couldn’t have it any other way. My creativity is fuelled by my intense emotions. I’ve done all my best work in times of great happiness and great sadness. I am no stranger to heart break. But for me heartbreak doesn’t just happen in a romantic interest. Heartbreak most often comes in the form of a friendship – someone who I love and care for and give and give and give to as that is my nature – someone who lets me down. I will never change – I never want to. I want to fall in love with new and wonderful friends every day from now until forever. I want to love and nurture them – care for them and support them in their dreams and help them achieve all the wonderful things I know that they can. If those friendships then fall apart – drift away – or go in a new direction I am now okay with that. I just feel lucky to have met such wonderful and exciting people on their own incredible journeys and adventures. I’m so happy to be a part of their journey – a character dancing like a maniac in a story that they will one day tell.
For today I am grateful and so humbled to have so many people from all around the world who have made me feel so special and so loved. I appreciate every letter – comment – photo – everything. I’m feeling the good vibes coming my way and intend on giving all that love back out again to all those beautiful souls I’m blessed to cross paths with in this period of my life.
So thank you to everyone for your kindness and your love today and every day. I am honoured to have such magical people in my life.
Until next time wanderlusters x
Tweet me @jessicaswander or follow me on instagram @jessicaswanderlust
Energy & illness
After months and months of absolutely abusing my body an trying to do too much with the little time I had – I decided that it was time to be kinder to myself and my body.
I started with making sure I was eating loads of healthy nutritionally dense food, drinking lots of water, practicing gratitude, moving my body, meditating more regularly, not drinking other than the odd beer (just one) after work… And then I got ill. Just when I was starting to look after myself properly again.
It’s made me think about how much I tend to give all my love and care to other people and how little I give myself. I’m sure this is something that many people do and it’s just no good for you. I was so worried about everyone and everything else that I honestly believe I’ve managed to poison myself in the process. I am letting go of all the negativity I’ve been holding on to and focusing on all the good and wonderful things instead (such as the exceptionally handsome doctor at the hospital).
Inhale love ; exhale hate.
Peace and love wanderlusters – it’s good for you.
Giving Kindness – Careful or Careless?
The other day someone said to me that he is careful about who he gives his kindness and friendship to – because if you give it to everyone you won’t have enough of it left for the people who matter most.
This i found to be a very interesting view – and a rather unexpected one at that. Generally (and I do understand that this is a huge generalisation) it’s impossible to get any English man to discuss anything to do with emotions. Not only this but it was organically given out as his perspective without any coaxing from my nosey self…
I completely understand his perspective – particularly when taking in to account his line of work – which results in huge numbers of women lining up to try to get in to bed with him week in – week out. But this way of viewing relationships (including friend and family relationships) in general is certainly not one I share.
It got me wondering how other people view such things. Me being the hopeless romantic that I am – I throw everything in to all my relationships – friends, family, work and otherwise. I imagine that I have this endless pool of love that I can keep giving and giving from and never asking for anything in return. My friend and yoga teacher Eoin Finn says that love is the ultimate renewable resource and i know myself this is something that really resonates with me.
I accept that we all have different views and opinions on this matter and that different things work for different people – but if I took this persons approach to relationships it would make me completely and utterly miserable. I love to love – I love other peoples love – no matter what form it takes. It breaks my heart often to be the way that I am but I wouldn’t (and couldn’t) have it any other way. I am most creative when I am filled with emotions – both the good and the “bad” – I am happy and loving and do my best to be kind and giving. People do take advantage of me for it – but I can sleep well at night knowing that my intentions are good, my soul is light and i have an endless pool of love to keep giving out. Sometimes I’m exhausted from loving so so much – but the pool always regenerates itself and I have faith that good things happen to people who do good things. Working hard and sending love to the world one heartbreak at a time.
What’s your view on relationships? How do you tackle this unanswerable question?
Until next time wanderlusters x
I have a home and people are kind
Thank you to everyone for their kindness.
As always, I’d love to hear from you – leave a message in the comments below or tweet with me @jessicaswander
Settling in to London life
As of today I’ve been in England for 45 days.
I’ve been up to York and walked along the walls, seen York Minster, Walked up on the North Yorkshire Moors, been to lots of pubs, been welcomed in to people’s homes to spend Christmas and New Years. I’ve been driven through old towns, slept the night in a dilapidated manor in the name of art, wandered the streets of London, partied till dawn and practiced yoga with one of my idols and made lots of new friends…
Needless to say its been a wicked time.
But now I’m ready to get settled in to living and working in London. The whole reason I decided to move here was because I just wanted to change the focus of my life to what I wanted rather that the life I was leading previously which was wholly focused on what other people wanted. That might sound a little selfish but I know that changing my life focus to be on what makes me happy I will then be in a position to actually help others more.
So now the challenge has been finding something that I want to do and finding someone who will give me the opportunity to do it. My work experience has been mostly in Finance Administration and not much else but I’m hopeful that the right opportunity will come along.
I feel like I am exactly where I need to be right now. I love London. I love my new friends. I love my old friends who have settled here and I love getting to know my cousins. Now is the time to get settled in, put my backpack away and create the life that I think I deserve…
Now back to finding the perfect flat…
The Kindness of Strangers – Arriving in London
I arrived in England just a few short days ago on the 16th of December and since that time I’ve been incredibly amazed by the kindness of strangers. I had been warned that people weren’t as friendly and to expect rude people everywhere in London but my experience has been quite the opposite. Our plane flew in to Heathrow at 6:30 in the morning and my friends Dad came to pick us up from the airport. He had offered to have the four of us stay the night. We drove to his house which was in the Cotswolds a beautiful place with amazing old buildings. We all showered which was incredible after 48 hours of travelling from Koh Phangan and then went out for lunch at a cute old local pub. That night we had a delicious roast dinner and just sat around the table talking and laughing. The next day it was time for me to head to London. I caught the train in to London and it was a little overwhelming. I was still exhausted from travelling and my backpack is VERY heavy. I had to find a New Oxford Street to go pick up a letter and then I had an appointment to set up a bank account that afternoon. I asked many a kind stranger and no one seemed to know how to get to New Oxford street. Eventually I met a nice man who looked it up on google maps for me and I was on my way. Now I can’t stress enough that I look hilarious with my backpack on. It’s big and its heavy and I’m a little girl. I got on to the underground to make my way to tottenham court road and nearly fell over a lovely lady. She then offered to help me sit down with my backpack on so I could have a rest. She then asked me where I was going and if I needed any help. I explained where I was off to and she said that once we get off the underground she would check her phone to make sure I’m headed in the right direction and even offered to walk me there. I declined once I realised that I could see the building I was looking for when I left the station and thanked her for her kindness. I arrived at the visa office, picked up my letter and was off to the bank. The bank manager was so kind (and young) we spoke about travel and adventure, parties and art. I left the bank with a smile on my face. I am absolutely astonished at how wonderfully kind people can be.