For a very Long time I believed that I just wasn’t one of the lucky ones. I didn’t believe that I had the talent, wisdom, upbringing and so on to chase my dreams and live a life of wonder. I truly believed that I was not smart enough, not good enough, not pretty enough, not tall enough, not funny enough, not charismatic enough, not dedicated enough… the list goes on and on.
As it turns out I was one of the lucky ones. I was lucky to come across some incredible people who saw in me what I didn’t see and encouraged me for the first time ever to pursue my dreams, my goals, my ambitions and create my own wonderful life free from my conditioned beliefs of what I could achieve. Problem was I didn’t really know what they were.
Two years ago if you’d asked me what I love doing I wouldn’t know how to answer you. I was way too busy worrying about everyone else in my life and what they wanted to do, what they wanted to achieve and how I could help them do that. I tried to do the “right thing” and tried to progress in my safe and secure job. Truth is that deep down I must have known that I didn’t really want to follow that path. I was the queen of self sabotage when it came to things that really didn’t mean much to me (I mean I got the grown up job wasn’t that enough?).
When I finally realised that all of my “problems” were just the result of my crappy self-image and conditioned beliefs that I’d taken on from people close me I changed. I no longer hated myself for being different from everyone else. I embraced my oddness and now I own my own “special brand of crazy” as I like to call it. This life is mine to create as I wish and I am smart enough, I am good enough, pretty enough, tall enough (I haven’t physically grown I’m still a short 5”4 ½), funny enough, charismatic enough and dedicated enough and everything else that I choose to be.
I’m still figuring out what it is that I want to do in my life and think I’ll always be exploring new ways to be happier and truly live my bliss. I’ve grown so much in the past few years that I hardly recognise myself now. I’m far more confident and outgoing then I’ve ever been, I can actually speak to people I’ve never met before at a normal volume (as opposed to mouse volume) and without going bright red and fumbling over all my words. This blog for me is sort of like medium for me to discover what it is that I truly love and to be able to share it with the world.
One of the best things I’ve done so far was to play the wish game. This utilises the law of attraction and Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) techniques to break through anything that is holding you back from your wishes. The first time I played this game Gary the facilitator set me a task to do when I got home. He had me write down everything that I liked doing down in a big list. Initially it was really tough I only had about 5 things on my list and one of them was “secret one woman dance parties” which let’s be honest really isn’t something to build a new life around. But as I went on in the next few days I managed to build a massive list of all the things I loved, from there I decided to expand on that and created another list of all the things I wanted to do in my life and yet another list of all the places in the world I wanted to see. So effectively I wrote myself a bucket list. I knew that I could do everything on that list and more if I really wanted to but it gave me so many things to aim for and be excited about which was something I’d never experienced before for myself.
Now that I’ve ticked lots of things off my list and added so many more in the process I feel incredible. I still have moments of self-doubt and sometimes I temporarily revert to being every bit that awkward, embarrassed, nervous, quiet person that I once was but now when that happens I just gently remind myself that being like that is just not productive for anyone and if people don’t like the oddball that I am then it’s not really a big deal. What matters is being authentic to who I really am and if other people don’t like it then that’s fine. I’m not on this earth to please everyone as I once thought. I’m here to be me and experience my life as I want to, to share the love I have for the world with the world and live my bliss.
Since starting my journey I’ve discovered that so many people are silently going down a similar path as I was and believe that a wonderful life is just for the select few who are privileged enough to have been born with brilliance and clear goals. The truth is that everyone has their own challenges to face and their own demons to battle. I really hope that through sharing my journey I can inspire other people to really own their own experience and live their bliss by discovering what it is that they truly love.
Please comment or email me if you have any questions or for more information on the wish game.
This is a card from that I picked up during the wish game.
This entry was posted in Self Development, Spirituality and tagged achieve, Alternative, Bliss, Blissology, dream, Goal, goal setting, John Grinder, Neuro-linguistic programming, New Age, NLP, Relationships, Richard Bandler, self development, Social Sciences.